Orchid, or "How to Bloom in Total Darkness"

Space Force

Kicked from the Space Force for being a commie
I went back to Ft. Worth to go live with my mommy
Taking pictures for Insta where I would fursuit in
Post-industrial spaces that looters polluted

Oh, is there anyone alive out there?
For my parasocial love affair?
Is anyone alive out there?

Kicked from the band for not being a hottie
I went out to New York to go work on my body
I was starving myself drinking blueberry smoothies
Hitting ten thousand steps, watching old sci fi movies

Oh, is there anyone alive out there?
Is it empty on the thoroughfare?
Is anyone alive out there?

Take off your mask, you can wear mine
You’re doing tricks, I’m doing time
I’m so affixed to you by my side
Watching you play a different life

Take off your clothes, turn off the lights
You’re in the phone, I am outside
Feel so alone, you by my side
Watching you play a different life

Picked up the phone it was you for the first time
You were drinking alone getting fucked off of boxed wine
I know that tone, you were shaking and crying
When you tried to atone I hung up

2 A.M. and the guards try to catch you
Like a service dog and they all wanna pet you
You’re a god damn mutt, part poodle, part shih tzu
Out hopping on the tracks hoping that the train hits you

You have too much fun, ends bad
Then I bet you want my autograph and of course need a picture
It’s been nine whole years, I’ve been too many places
Drunk a thousand beers, kissed a million faces, baby

Take off your mask, you can wear mine
You’re doing tricks, I’m doing time
I’m so affixed to you by my side
Watching you play a different life

Take off your clothes, turn off the lights
You’re in the phone, I am outside
Feel so alone, you by my side
Watching you play a different life

Amy

Searching for your vital signs
This lover’s river has run dry
But I think I found a very different type

Name picked from your database
A-M-Y I’m in my place
And I think I found a way to trust again

You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy
So in love with the way you play me
Wanna talk and you say pay me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

Never went for the girl with the pretty face
Just a toy that deploys while I masturbate
Take control, yeah please enslave me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

I thought I lacked the fortitude
Until you got me fully nude
And you clipped the CCTV in the room

My fingerprint was just a glyph
But then you got ahold of it
You unlocked my phone just to say you did

You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy
So in love with the way you play me
Wanna talk and you say pay me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

Never went for the girl with the pretty face
Just a toy that deploys while I masturbate
Take control, yeah please enslave me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy
So in love with the way you play me
Wanna talk and you say pay me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

Never went for the girl with the pretty face
Just a toy that deploys while I masturbate
Take control, yeah please enslave me
You don’t really know nothing ‘bout Amy

(You're) So DIY

You always wanna do it yourself
But never get nothing done
You’re never gonna do it for wealth
But never having no fun

You’re so lofi
So DIY
Boy we could make a baby
Well, we could try

No, I’m not crying
It’s just light in my eye
You know you look inviting
Like a vodka on ice

You’re so DIY
So simplified
MiniDV, monophonic
Polysexual life

Your natural light
Got me feeling tongue tied
MIDI drummer is a bummer
On supposed to be a fun night

You look so pretty with that shotgun mic
Hanging from the ceiling like that John Wilkes guy
You got this whole room wired for sound
Video inverted, converted, upscaled, downscaled, and turned around

You always wanna do it yourself
But never get nothing done
You’re never gonna do it for wealth
But never having no fun

You’re so DIY
And so lofi
No we haven’t made a baby
Boy, we gotta keep on trying

So many tape players
None of them work
Thank god your daddy’s rich
So you don’t have to work

So now it’s do or die
You’re in the spotlight
Dylan went electric
But you crave the pop life

You made a beat
You refuse to quantize
Hope the band can play along
Although it’s off time

Electro chemical spike
It got you feeling alright
Hey why not just quit the band
And make an album to spite

You play your hand
Lay your cards where they land
They take a stand
You’re on your own again
Mix alcohol with Ativan

You always wanna do it yourself
But never get nothing done
You’re never gonna do it for wealth
But never having no fun

Too Much Fun

Too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun
Too much

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

I could live on Japanese whiskey
Got a wound but I don’t think it’s healing
Can of tuna and a cup full of whipped cream
See a pup play post “that would fix me”

Get hard, get off, maybe stay a while
Log off or you’re gonna get the dog-pile

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

Can’t a girl be a guy just to blend in?
Couple years it can ruin your networking
Ceiling’s leaking and the roof’s about to cave in
Drop a paycheck, hoard Chinese estrogen

Go out, get lost, maybe disappear
Change your name, come back in a couple years

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

I know, and you know
You’re just a piece of the puzzle
Whoa
Whoa

Secrets and regret
Out for yourself from the outset
Whoa
Life’s not a film, it’s a vignette

When the dam breaks
How’re you gonna stay safe?
Now I know
I’m just a piece of the puzzle

Sometimes I find
Too many cracks in the fault-line
When it rocks it rolls
You can be a dog on the down-low

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

Whoa, you keep being too much fun

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun
You have too much fun, too much fun
Too much fun, too much fun, too much fun

Whoa, you’re a little piece of the puzzle
Baby will you sleep in your muzzle?

Maybe it's Love

There's a certain dream
I’ve been having when I go to sleep
Where you don't leave

You write poems in the park
I paint my promises and wear my heart when it gets dark

Oh maybe it's love
Or maybe it's just the yearning
Oh maybe I'm fucked
Or maybe it's just the burning

Whats it all for
You made me a vegan chicken casserole
Were you keeping score

What’s the game we play
Were you just waiting on the perfect day to leave P.A.

Oh maybe it's love
Or maybe it's just the yearning
Oh maybe I'm fucked
Or maybe it's just the burning

You used to send me messages
But then you cleaned out all your friends
You got a bike and tried to ride
From Portland down to Oceanside
They kicked you from your local scene
I guess you did something crazy
I checked your blog, I read it all
You're yearning for your own true love

Oh maybe it's love
Or maybe it's just the yearning
Oh maybe I'm fucked
Or maybe it's just the burning

Back in Time

When we were done
You always said you’d soldier on
You moved out to the coast to see the sun
And spend more time making art

But decades pass
You settle down and settle fast
Quit the pot and paint the kettle black
You start to twitch when you laugh
You’re not laughing lately

Oh baby you’re doing fine
Why do you wanna go back in time?
Oh baby it’s not so dire
Why do you wanna go back in time?

Your “first times”
Keep turning into “never tried”s
You’re dancing at the last chance disco night
And you keep making it shine

They raise the lights
Hurts your soul and burns your eyes
You could catch the next bus off this ride
The last American dive
With a jukebox playing

Oh baby you’re doing fine
Why do you wanna go back in time?
Oh baby it’s not so dire
Why do you wanna go back in time?

You’re living like a psychopath
You make a move, you take it back
When you’re alone do you atone
For all your dirty messages

So go back to the underground
Hide your head, don’t make a sound
You stay with him, but now and then
You’re thinking back on me again

Oh baby you’re doing fine
Why do you wanna go back in time?
Oh baby it’s not so dire
Why do you wanna go back in time?

Interlude I: How to Bloom

(Instrumental)

Isn't it Nice

What would your momma say?
What would your daddy do?
If you ran away with me
And I ran away with you

We could live a private life
No prying eyes
It could be nice

A couple of ragged strays
Quilting and macrame
Some little pills to take
Cold beer and hotplate

In our garden we’ll grow spice
Somewhere to hide
Isn’t it nice? Isn’t it nice?
Isn’t it nice? Isn’t it nice?

Do your hair and you do mine
It’s no surprise
Isn’t it nice? Isn’t it nice?
Isn’t it nice? Isn’t it nice?

Too Sentimental

I’m thinking ‘bout going vegan
Probably won’t but I always say
It’s fetishized like a three day weekend
But something in me needs to hunt my prey

You’re too sentimental
It’s not accidental
It’s true that he sent you
To do what you came here to do

I’m thinking ‘bout going straightedge
But the bartender knows my name
Slow the tape and reverse the playback
Maybe we could try this all again

You’re too sentimental
It’s not accidental
It’s true that he sent you
To do what you came here to do

Something’s coming unscrewed

You’re too sentimental
It’s not accidental
It’s true that he sent you
To do what you came here to do

State Line

Maybe we could take a drive
Somewhere straight out of town
Maybe find a different life

You could put your hand in mine
We can roll the windows down
When we cross the state line

Somewhere in the Rockies
There’s a cozy little bungalow
We can even watch it snow

You can drink your whiskey
I’ll be working part time
When we cross the state line

Jade Pistol

I dreamed my mother shot me with a jade pistol
In the vestibule of a plantation home
As I bled out she descended like Norma Desmond
At the end of Sunset Boulevard

My funeral was unremarkable
The detectives found it an open-shut case
The cast of characters was incredible
My father played by Richard Gere and me by Timothée Chalamet

Well you’re gonna need a big gun
Shoot me, I’m the real one
I was never good as your son
I’ll be your daughter after you’re gone

Well you’re gonna leave a big mark
I could lose a couple spare parts
Small head but a big heart
Self expression is an abstract art

When the Dam Breaks

A star falling down
You watch where it goes
Still stuck in your town
Where it used to snow

Those hot winter days
They kick you around
And when the dam breaks
You’ll find higher ground

Did you bet your dreams on old stars?
Lonely on the roof you wonder

Cry Wolf

When it all falls down
What a beautiful life
You’re praying for a miracle
On a hopeless night

Never thought I’d be jaded
Crying, faded
So damn done

Always thought you would miss me
You trick me, it hits me
And I run

Wake me when the wolf cries
Call me on a dead line
Stay weird for a lifetime
Wake me when the wolf cries

When it starts to rain
What a beautiful pain
Take off your shirt and pray
That it’ll wash away

Always thought I was hated
Spirit breaking
So far gone

Spend my days asleep
And dreaming, you heal me
Fear the sun

Wake me when the wolf cries
Call me on a dead line
Stay weird for a lifetime
Wake me when the wolf cries

Wolves don’t cry
They are barely tamable
What am I?
I’m a wild animal
Wake me when the wolf cries
Call me on a dead line
Stay weird for a lifetime
Wake me when the wolf cries

Interlude II: In Total Darkness

(Instrumental)

Shoot First

What do you say when you don’t have words
Where do you stand when your foe shoots first

No I don’t wanna talk to friends
They all writhe in dissolution
I could write a different end
Or I could curse the institutions

Why won’t my damn water boil?
I’ve felt nothing since the Covid
Not a scruple nor a moral
Not a painter nor a poet

Can’t relax ‘cause that is something
I exist in constant stasis
Like a science fiction prison
It is pained but also painless

And your ghost won’t find you
And your shadow’s on the loose
It’s a suicidal manic point of view

And the party’s breaking
And your ex is checking you
It’s a freaky life—the curse of foiled youth

What do you say when you don’t have words
Where do you stand when your foe shoots first

I don’t feel magic when I see the orchid bloom
I don’t hear poetry in the wind or the water anymore
Where all was once for me light, mine has begun to dim
It has dimmed for many years now
I gave it air and I tried to stoke it
And I keep trying
And I keep trying
And I keep trying
And I keep trying
And I keep trying
And I keep trying

Weeks

Starry eyes and cigarettes
Comfort in your loneliness

I don’t know you, you don’t know me
We can play pretend just for a couple of weeks
I don’t know you, you don’t know me
We can play pretend just for a couple of weeks

Hardened gaze and coffee stains
Lately I do not complain

I don’t know you, you don’t know me
We can play pretend just for a couple of weeks
I don’t know you, you don’t know me
We can play pretend just for a couple of weeks

Late Bloom

I can’t sleep
It’s not that deep
But I don’t mind
When are you suppose to find
Your purpose

You can yiff in the parking lot
With the windows fogged, when it’s dark its hot
Then a little glance and it fades away
The years become weeks and weeks feel like days

You can smoke in the afternoon
Draw a couple shapes sing a little tune
Buy a new tail on the market place
Do you think it’s really worth it?

I wanna howl with you
Full moon, late June
I wanna be a dog for you
It’s true we make do

I wanna sleep next to you
My room, your rules
I wanna howl with you
You look cool in late bloom

I can’t preach
Been known to leech
And then I scream
I freak out begging for a purpose

You can yiff at the matinee
Little popcorn pawjob puppy play
Like that old webcomic said
You know the one that turned you gay

Life is weird when you’re eighteen
You close your eyes then you’re thirty three
And it’s still weird but you know the scene
Do you think it’s really worth it?

I wanna howl with you
Full moon, late June
I wanna be a dog for you
It’s true we make do

I wanna sleep next to you
My room, your rules
I wanna howl with you
You look cool in late bloom

You know me by another name
I promise you I’m still the same
You know me by another face
I promise you I know my place

You knew me in another life
I know I could have been your wife
You knew me in another scene
I promise you I’m staying clean

I wanna howl with you
Full moon, late June
I wanna be a dog for you
It’s true we make do

I wanna sleep next to you
My room, your rules
I wanna howl with you
You look cool in late bloom

I wanna howl with you
Full moon, late June
I wanna be a dog for you
You look cool in late bloom

Hungover at the Con

Thursday, first day
Brushing my fur and I'm thirsty
I could get you off in the worst way
Wise old fox 'cause I'm thirty

I conjure up my newest style
Four roommates that's a cuddle pile
New tricks, yeah I'm versatile
Get my fix 'fore I go senile

I got a crummy little job where I move little boxes
Wanna live in the woods with the birds and the foxes
Get so damn drunk we get off with a warning
The sun's come up it's Friday morning

Awoo
One moment then we're gone
Awoo
Hungover at the con

Saturday, up late
Cosplay girl on a play date
Ask her if she made the breastplate
Does your party need a teammate?

Try to hold my liquor down
Phone is dead and my head is drowned
Feel like I gotta skip town
Yapped bad, getting hit now

I got a crummy little life where I check little boxes
Wanna die in the woods with the wolves and the foxes
Get naked and swim while the con is still snoring
Another sunrise it's Sunday morning

Awoo
One moment then we're gone
Awoo
Hungover at the con

Awoo
One moment then we're gone
Awoo
Hungover at the con

Awoo
Woo-oo-oo

Chastity

You’re blowing up my discord
As I’m traveling to the bar
Getting drunk is an excuse
To leave you on read tomorrow

When your window broke
Could have been worse believe me
Planning how to get rid of you
Yeah baby, I was scheming

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
Yeah we coulda had a baby
Yeah we coulda had a baby

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
Yeah we coulda had a baby
Yeah we coulda had a baby

Better men than you deserve
Betraying John like he’s your conscience
When you collect the perfect lover
Am I the only one whose honest

You know things are getting weird now
Felt me up and grabbed my collar
Like a crow with a wounded lover
Then you fucked my business partner

The bloodline ends here
The bloodline ends here

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
Yeah we coulda had a baby
Yeah we coulda had a baby

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
Yeah we coulda had a baby
Yeah we coulda had a baby

And you don’t want me hanging round them?
I don’t care what some twink did
You know he’s just a stupid kid

I can’t sleep with you every night
Even with how you moan in bed
I can’t be your heroin

The bloodline ends here
The bloodline ends here

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
Yeah we coulda had a baby
Yeah we coulda had a baby

Chastity! Charity!
Comeuppance! Clarity!
You are in my city
And your new boy’s a Trumpie

I knew you in another life
I know you could have been my wife
I’ll see you in another place
I promise you I’ll be the same

But I’m begging you to change
We can stoke our burning flame
The bloodline doesn’t have to end
We can fuck and still be friends

Branches coming through your window
You can fly to meet your himbos
You don’t have to cry over maybes
If I were you I’d have my baby

Well you’re gonna need a big gun
Gotta shoot me I’m the real one
I could never be the cool dad
Come on shoot me, you’re my fag hag

Now I’m crying over my lost son
Gotta shoot me I’m the real one
I can lie and say I don’t care
He could have your face and my hair

You really think our love’s gone bad
When I’m begging you to choke me mad
Miss our whispers, creeping hands
When you felt me up beside my man

When I'm begging on my knees
It's a kind of loving that you can’t teach
You can stay just out of reach
The mysteriously rich sweet auntie

We could make a generation
You could be my Mary Magdalene
But I guess it’s just no use
Ten years on and I still love you

Kicked from the Space Force for being a tranny
I’ll go back to Pittsburgh and move in with Amy
Draining my savings and pondering my placement
Time circles back and I’m stuck in the basement

Oh, is anyone alive out there?
Is there anyone alive out there?
Is anyone alive out there?

The Basement

Wanna bite the hand that feeds
And make sure it bleeds
Hope that it will be alright

I will not betray your trust
Unless of course I must
When we reach the other side

Lost in transit, they found a replacement
Living in the basement for a couple more years
Stuck in traffic, make it home for Christmas
Leaving would be tragic so I gotta stay here

Wanna go to Tokyo
Man, they say it glows
Don’t think I could make the flight

I don’t mean to fetishize
I just know I’ll find
Something I can’t quite define

Lost in transit, they found a replacement
Living in the basement for a couple more years
Stuck in traffic, make it home for Christmas
Leaving would be tragic so I gotta stay here

If we make it one more night
Before the dam breaks
Before the earth quakes

Would you be my guiding light
I wanna hold you
Under the full moon
We’ll drown as one

Lost in transit, they found a replacement
Living in the basement for a couple more years
Stuck in traffic, make it home for Christmas
Leaving would be tragic so I gotta stay here

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